I fear that I have grown up with a natural egocentrism of sorts. I have always thought that the more open an adoption is the more at risk for problems and confusion for everyone involved. Currently, however, I am reading an article titled Adolescents' Feelings about Openness in Adoption: Implications for Adoption Agencies (a full reference will appear at end).
I have come across two lines that have given me pause about the perfection of my own adoption. I have always thought that because my life as an adoptee was wonderful, elements of my adoption and life situation must be present for every adoption story to be wonderful. "This active role facilitates self-determination and self-worth, and enables a confirmation that the adoptive parents will be the psychological parents."(p. 5) This line refers to the idea that having the birth mother present in the life of the adopted child helps the adoptive parents the ability to be parents in all of the other ways outside of biology. I am not sure how I feel about this assumption. If the alternative is to be secretive so that the adopted parents can exist as biological parents, then openness is the way to go. However, I don't know that the opposite means secretive.
I must be clear. I do not think that an open adoption is a bad thing. I question the level of openness. How much is to much? It was well known that I was adopted which allowed my parents to be, as the quote suggests, "psychological" parents to me. What I did not have as much of was information on my birth family. It was not until late in my childhood that I received a letter written for me by my birth mother. This was all the information I had. I always thought that if my birth mother were in the picture at all that everything would become much more complicated. I wonder how things would have been different if I had had the opportunity to get to know my birth mother while growing up?
This brings me to the next quote that gave me pause. "The more open the adoption, the more comfortable adoptive parents felt with openness." (p. 5) I would have to ask my parents about this one because it would be much more impactfull for them than for me. This however causes me to reflect on how my parents might have felt. I always thought that they were open but would still feel a little sad if I were to search out my birth mother. Perhaps they were a little frightened that I would choose my birth parents over them. This of course would not happen because my parents are my parents but often emotions and thoughts are not always rational.
I don't know the answers to any of these wonders but it would be interesting to think about them more.
Berge, J., Mendenhall, T., Wrobel, G., Grotevant, H., & McRoy, R. (2006). Adolescents' feelings about openness in adoption: implications for adoption agencies.Child Welfare, 85(6), 1011-1039.
